Great Neck Virginia Beach Break Ins

This was forwarded to me recently and with the burglary of a friend’s home I thought I should post it here concerning the recent rash of break ins in the Great Neck corridor of Virginia Beach.

Dear Fellow Neighbor-

Just wanted to inform everyone that there have been 52 break-ins over the past few weeks in the Great Neck corridor (from Reagan Ave up to Great Neck Point and all neighborhoods in between). The burglars are not taking anything w/a serial number that can be traced and seem to be largely targeting the master bedrooms and taking expensive jewelry. They are professional criminals that seem to be working in a pair and have a communication device to look out for law enforcement. The police seem to think they are staking out the neighborhoods, even ringing doorbells to see if people are home and might even be acting like a home repair “company”. They are looking for signs of nobody home, ie no cars in driveway and all the lights out, etc. It appears they are attempting to gain access largely by trying back/garage doors that might be either already open or unlocked!!!

It seems that they are driving an older model green sedan car, such as a Camry. It has been reported there are 2 men, one Black male and the other male either Hispanic or Black very light skinned. They have been targeting homes in the daytime and very early evening hours.

BE VIGILANT AND CALL THE POLICE if ANYBODY comes to your home in an attempt to sell you anything that does NOT have a Peddler’s business license issued by the VB Commissioner of Revenue. You can call the non-emergency number to the VBPD at 385-5000 and then pressing option “1”. If you see a older model green car driving through the neighborhood very slowly looking, and not wanting to purchase houses for sale, also please call the police.

These are professional burglars, as they are not taking items that can be traced when taken to a pawn shop, nor are they students that are truant from school. Fyi, NO HOMES HAVE BEEN BURGLARIZED yet that have a barking dog in the house. I just received this information from a friend who is on the VBPD and wanted me to know what’s going on, that is why I am passing it on to you, as it is NOT rumor and IS what the VBPD is currently looking for.

Hope this information helps everyone!

Again, Happy Holidays to all our neighbors!!!

I also got this one:

There was a break-in about 6:30 on Wednesday evening on B******* Lane. The owners were not there at the time. The perpetrators shouldered in the front door. The alarm sounded immediately (and loudly), causing the people to run away. Nothing was taken, but it certainly could have been much worse. The residents passed on two suggestions to other residents. Keep your alarm system in working order at all times. Change the framing surrounding the door to a metal frame so that it cannot be easily broken. (They tried the back door first, but it was solidly reinforced and too difficult to break into.

This could happen any time, but during this season when people tend to have more presents under trees, it is more important to be aware of the possibilities of a break in.

S*******y

The R****** ** Great Neck Homeowners Association

Please remember to call 911 if you see a crime in action and call 385-5000, option 1, to report crimes after they have occurred or to report any suspicious activity.

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly

Der santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re well on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl al year. The only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you really think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his golpher constantly? It’s time to give up the dream, let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba
Love Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays anyway. I bet you are gay. I’ll send you a Barbie
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$e$ of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you really see us when we are sleeping, do you really know when we are awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your home.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really what a puppy this year. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE can I have one?
Love Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your parents, but it don’t work with me. You are getting a sweater again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself ”Marky”, that’s why you keep getting you’re golpher kicked at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams.
Santa

Thanks to “mission” for the laugh!

My Son Kicked Me In The Junk

My wife, son and I were just hanging out in bed enjoying each other’s company earlier, my two-year old son’s head on my right shoulder.  We’d had a nice family day and a very nice meal at Outback Steakhouse on Laskin Road earlier, so we were in slow motion by early evening.  Playtime had come and gone, bedtime was fast approaching.

As we were relaxing my wife told our son she was going to change his diaper.  A necessary chore, but one he despises.

He said “no” and turned his head from left to right, never lifting it off my shoulder.  He was being playful about it.  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw his left heel begin to rise.  I’m pretty sure I knew what was coming next, but I was helpless to stop it.  Paralyzed by the terrifying sight.

I swear his foot reached a height I couldn’t have imagined.  Then, as if commanded by a general, his foot came ripping down from what seemed the ceiling, smashing squarely down on my right testicle like a pile driver working overtime at Town Center. Thud.  No, make that THUD!  Not bang, not boom, not even crunch.  Just THUD!

Now you have to excuse me from this point because much of this is fuzzy, but I’ll be as accurate as possible.

I crunched up in a fetal position in anticipation of the inevitable pain that would rise from below, one hand on what now must be a flat testicle, afraid to move for fear of something falling out of my pants, afraid to squeal like a scared girl.  My other hand was just suspended in the air where it was when the aerial assault began, suspended in time.

I remained prone in this position for what seemed like 10 minutes, but it was mere moments.  Yes, the pain was growing, rising, engulfing my midsection and spreading.  I think my right leg went numb.  My eyes maybe rolling around in their sockets.

As pain changed to numbness I became aware of my surroundings and myself.  My jaw was clinched tight and about 2 inches out of alignment.  My forehead and nose were so scrunched up they must have resembled raisins.  (Yes, I get the metaphor…)  Muscles were sore from being held tight.

Then I noticed the bed shaking ever so slightly.  I looked over to my wife for sympathy and I swear she was LAUGHING!  Not chuckling, LAUGHING!!!  AND she’s changing the boy’s diaper!  WTF?!?!  Are you kidding me?!?!  My junk was as flat as an IHOP pancake and she was laughing!!!

I turned away, seething, but there’s nothing that could be done.  The fact is, we guys pretty much go dead when kicked like that.  We just hold on to our important parts and wait for the pain to come, then for the pain to leave, and during that time we pray for everything to work properly when the cycle is complete.

Only time will tell.

Pigtails and Crewcuts Hilltop, Virginia Beach

I took our son to Pigtails and Crewcuts today at Hilltop Shopping Center in Virginia Beach for a little hair chopping.  I must tell you up front that the experience was great.  Far from what happened last time I got his hair cut!

My first impressions of the shop were that it was clean, busy, well-run, and a bit feminine.  Let’s start with cleanliness.  After each cut the stylists were sure to sweep up and dispose of all the clippings.  For sale items were neatly displayed and the play train area was pretty clean for a place full of children.  I say the shop was well-run because the employees all appeared to have a job and they appeared to be doing it right.

As for the femininity of the place, that may be a product of the all female staff, the all female parents (except me), the female ribbons and bows for sale, or maybe it was just a gut feeling.  Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter.  The place was great.

While we did have a short wait, my son didn’t mind because he joined two other boys at the train set.  Time flew by for him.

Amber was my boy’s stylist and she was quite pleasant.  After placing boy-child in the fire truck barber chair she took the time to listen to what I wanted.  While cutting she asked several times if I liked the progress, as if to give herself reassurance she was doing a good job.  She eventually got it right and he looks great.  Best of all, my son had a great time getting his hair cut.

The only downside to the entire trip was the cost.  I pay $10 for my own haircuts, so to pay $16, plus tip, was really asking a lot.  I paid it and considered the crying and screaming last time we had his hair cut and deemed it a good $16+!  The lessor of two evils I guess you could say.

The Hilltop location offers a party room and party packages, though I deemed the parties to be mostly driven toward the female clients.  Something about mani-pedi’s and the like just sounded girly.

On the way out we were given a punch card.  After 10 punches I guess you get a free cut, I don’t know.  I took the card and didn’t really listen to what the lady said.  I did, however, hear her say that Tuesday is ”double punch” day so I left with two punches.

Whatever… I’ll figure it out later because I plan on returning.

Tiger’s Panicked Call to Mistress

Here’s the audio of Tiger Woods’ panicked ghone call to his mistress Jamie Grubbs:

Tiger in a panic

Here’s what he says:

“Hey, it’s Tiger,” he says in the voicemail, obtained by Usmagazine.com (listen above). “I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye.”

Cheating bastard got caught!

As Recession Continues, Waists Expand

I haven’t been to an AYCE buffet in a long time, but I wonder if Golden Corral’s bottom line has increased as much as their customer’s waistlines during these difficult times.

Wallets may have gotten thinner during this recession, but waistlines have expanded.

As the unemployment rate inches toward 10 percent and U.S. consumers continue to find themselves strapped for cash, many are turning to cheaper fare to better balance their budgets. That often means fast food and canned and frozen processed foods that are higher in fat and calories and are made with refined grains and sugars.

The result: More Americans are getting fatter and becoming more at risk of getting illnesses such as diabetes.

Wallets may have gotten thinner during this recession, but waistlines have expanded.

As the unemployment rate inches toward 10 percent and U.S. consumers continue to find themselves strapped for cash, many are turning to cheaper fare to better balance their budgets. That often means fast food and canned and frozen processed foods that are higher in fat and calories and are made with refined grains and sugars.

The result: More Americans are getting fatter and becoming more at risk of getting illnesses such as diabetes.

You can find the full article here.