I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy
Nice spelling. You’re well on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell.
I have been a good girl al year. The only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you really think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his golpher constantly? It’s time to give up the dream, let me send you some Legos instead.
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays anyway. I bet you are gay. I’ll send you a Barbie
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$e$ of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Do you really see us when we are sleeping, do you really know when we are awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your home.
I really what a puppy this year. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE can I have one?
That whiney begging crap may work with your parents, but it don’t work with me. You are getting a sweater again.
We don’t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
First stop calling yourself ”Marky”, that’s why you keep getting you’re golpher kicked at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams.
Thanks to “mission” for the laugh!